Winter may be losing its hold. That whole in like a lion thing happened up here with a vengeance. We got a new dozen inches of snow on the first of March. Early yesterday morning it was -1. This was highly annoying to me and Eloise. But today we are expecting rain and a high of near forty. This stuff is gonna melt. It’s supposed to be in the thirties and forties here for the next several days. The ice under the snow is going to give way. The robins have come back and they are busy at the apple tree and the wintry berry bushes. Yesterday afternoon it was sunny and warm in Putney and you could smell the mud heating up under the snow. I declare that winter is over. I need it to be and so and I declare that it is.
I am moving out of the season of fear that has been enhanced by one cold gloomy icy day after another up here. I am afraid of losing Eloise. She has for so long been my calm sane touchstone. She kept love alive for me during the dark days around my mom’s funeral. Her calm steady presence has always been my reminder.
But warm days are coming. The new meds seem to be improving her pain. We are going to have some spring at least.
I think fear is an emotional geography meant to be crossed.
Eloise doesn’t have much to do with fear. She mainly thinks about cheese, and lying in a big pile of soft snow every morning, it is a part of her routine, along with watching chickens, and eating cheese, chewing bones, and snuggling close for a back rub. The failing markets don’t move her to panic and neither does a sore knee or old age. She struggles to stand up now so we bought her a therapy bed. But it is hard to get up from and so she has given it over to Stuart and Pippi who are quite pleased. Instead she stays by my side teaching me in this as she has in all else. No reason for panic. We might just get a whole summer. Sad won’t kill you. And I can be sad later when she is gone. I better enjoy this last part or it will prove I didn’t learn much from her in ten years.
We had been helping Eloise watch her weight. That meant less cheese. Cancer means more. So as far as she is concerned this whole cancer thing is just an old age bonus. There is a big lesson there.
Change is disturbing, endings are sad, but necessary for whatever will come next.
So come on spring…..