Resolution Work

February 27, 2009 by Ellen Stimson in Living With Intention, New Year's Resolutions, Security


Security. At New Year’s I chose this word to live for the year. It was a word that I was going to think about, read and write about and decide its meaning in my life. By January the stock market had already been acting silly for a while. But nothing like it has been doing lately. Now we are down around 7000. I remember when 10 was a bummer.

I also remember when we chose our investment strategy based on something called a risk assessment. (Is risk the opposite of secure???) We spent many hours considering our own risk tolerance and decided that we were risk friendly. We were still in our high earning years, we had a long 20 plus years to go until retirement, and I bought and sold companies, started new ones, borrowed enormous sums of money, sometimes made it and sometimes lost it, and generally lived in world where managing risk was just part of the daily grind.

But now that all seems like a long time ago. Having a high-risk friendly portfolio meant one might expect swings of up to 30%. Could you stand to lose 30% of your net worth in one day? If so then you were risk friendly too, and probably had lots of small caps and emerging market investments in your portfolio. But today the very notion of risk has changed. Can you stand to see you ret worth plummet to zero would be a better question today. It is a very insecure feeling. I hear of people whose portfolios are only down by fifty percent. They look like geniuses to me. We are down deep into the 70s.

So if risk has a totally different meaning today, what then of security? How do you get it? And if you are or were a risk friendly person is security even the goal? What does it look like?

I have lately been thinking that if we are going broke anyway, maybe we should sell everything, jump on a plane, and move to Italy for a year. Getting on a plane has always been one of our first answers to whatever problem needed solving. Maybe we would decide to stay or maybe we would move back and start over. This is highly impractical for a family with one recent college grad and a college sophomore deep into her program. When I realized that these were my musings in the middle of the night, I wondered if my risk profile had really changed much after all. I am building another business these days. It is coming along nicely and since language and the power of words are crucial to its success it is not likely something I could translate into an Italian business. Or at least I would need to know how to say way more than Prego if I did.

But if security is knowing that you can be happy a lot of different ways, then I am secure. Because I have been happy richer and I have been happy poor. (Richer was better,) And rich of poor you still only get just this one life. So shouldn’t we be doing the soul work that makes us sing? Marrying John and having these kids is the truest work of my soul. And these old Vermont Mountains made me sing. So did the chickens. They do still. I suspect Italy would be like an opera. And I might even need to live one day in the bustle of Manhattan. I think that would be a marvelous place to be old, with your grocer, your theater, and your coffee shop all on one city block.

Maybe security has nothing to do with money. That is a radical concept for someone who has always tried to make bunches of it for the really good schools and fabulous trips, and gorgeous old houses filled with good balsamics and walls of books. But maybe security comes with the choosing. We are people who intentionally choose these lives we lead. We choose our careers, our friends and the places we live with intention as opposed to habit. Maybe the old empty spots leftover from an unhappy childhood where there was never enough…love, happiness, attention, or money…..where wishes and desires were berated and belittled as the selfishness of evil…maybe those old wounds have been filled up with the happy power of choice. Maybe security and choice have always been one and the same.
It’s a new concept. Luckily I have ten more months to get it right…..

    Comments

  • jamie


    I think that when it comes down to it, you are right about this fighting force btwn risk and security…I am here, in the mountains and just looking at them from a distance makes me calm. Then I think about moving here…and my being gets uneasy–the thought of leaving my comfort zone and all of the ppl I truly love…but what is the worst that could happen? I hate it and go back? Or I fall in love and realize that was exactly where I want to be…risk vs security…which wins? Can they be one in the same…perhaps. Ill get back to you on that after we hit the slopes tomorrow…too much thinking for tonight–i don’t think I’m making much sense 🙂

    I think the picture works. Glad you stole it 🙂

  • starrlife


    Excellent food for thought. One often craves security right smack in the midst of a risky venture- grass is always greener I think! Any excuse for moving to Italy eh?…

  • katiedid


    As I look back I realize that I have taken the biggest risks when I have been the most inscecure….
    What the hell does that mean?

  • Kate


    I’ve been more secure in my (very) monetarily poor sobriety than I ever was when I was drunk and making lots of money. I know that if I don’t wake up tomorrow, it’s not because I wished it. That is security to me.

  • Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge


    Well, ms. E – of whose name I do not know – is there any way to attach an email address to your account so I can talk to you all regular-like? hee hee

    First of all, wondering, who did your blog design? I like it a lot. Also, where do you get the photos for your posts? They don’t look like google images…

    And, risk and security is always a personal balance. To some, buying wheat bread instead of white is risky. Taking a trip without every minute planned is risky. To others, it’s just natural.

    Sounds like you’re a natural fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants gal. That’s a good thing, ya know!

  • library lady


    How long will the dogs and cat have to stay in quarantine if you move to Italy for a year? You have one of the most integrated personalities I know. You have a gypsy’s soul and a tycoon’s brain and if there is a way to make your business go in Italy, you’ll find it. You and John will also go back to homeschooling Eli for a year, find Hannah a junior-year-in-Italy program and some kind of internship for Benjamin. I have no doubt!

  • Dreams & Designs


    Wow, another great post. And wow, I am sorry for the big financial losses- its not fun regardless of how full your life is, that’s for sure. I have quit checking my 401K altogether. I am 30. Why worry about it now is my philosophy.

    I pray every single night and the first thing I say to God-is THANK YOU for the health, happiness and safety of my loved ones. That is where I get my security.

  • Dreams & Designs


    Wow, another great post. And wow, I am sorry for the big financial losses- its not fun regardless of how full your life is, that’s for sure. I have quit checking my 401K altogether. I am 30. Why worry about it now is my philosophy.

    I pray every single night and the first thing I say to God-is THANK YOU for the health, happiness and safety of my loved ones. That is where I get my security.

  • Casdok


    I do a lot of musing in the night to!

    Its funny reading your words, i use the same ones in my world but they have different meanings.
    Everything C does from going to the loo or going out for a walk has to be risk assessed!
    And security for me is knowing he is ok.

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